I just returned from the Billa supermarket and had an experience to add to my To-Screw-An-Expat manual. These are just the typical daily encounters that characterize life as an expat in many of the semi-third-world cities I’ve visited along the way.

What is my definition of a semi-third-world country? These are economies straddling the first- and third-world. I guess you’d call that a second-world economy if such a thing existed.

So, here’s what prompted this discussion, making me think of all the times the To-Screw-An-Expat manual has been used on me. While this is a minor example, it adds up quickly. I’ll add some larger examples in the future.

I was standing in the rotisserie chicken line behind a local Czech construction worker. After he placed his order for chicken legs, the woman at the counter looked at me. Since I don’t speak a word of Czech, I pointed to the legs and held up two fingers. I have EXPAT written all over me!

She retrieved two bags and began selecting his legs from the rear of the display, where the chicken was fresh, plump, and visibly juicy. Then, straight from the manual, she grabbed the second bag and began retrieving my legs from the front of the display, where the chicken was shriveled. The legs had obviously been sitting there for too many hours if not overnight. I gave her a dirty look and shook my finger (not the middle one) to say I saw what you did. She just smiled. So, turned and walked away as she stood there holding the bag.

If this was a one-time example, it wouldn’t be so frustrating. Imagine this type of service everywhere you go, and for things more important than chicken legs. Life becomes tiresome when you are always on the look out for people screwing you. This is common treatment for expats. And, in some of the countries I’ve visited, it was common treatment for locals too. Eventually you get used to it and find ways to deal with it. There is one basic rule here - if you let people screw you, they will.

Ordering Water - Here’s another example that happens while at dinner. If you are in Prague, you can expect to be brought a high-end, sparkling, Italian mineral water ($4). Look at the surrounding tables and you’ll see that the locals are all drinking Bonaqua ($1). If this happens to you, simply refuse the water. Czechs are a very non-confrontational lot. Now, they have an open water. Who will pay for it? Check your bill. If the water is not there, it is common to find a few more beers than you actually drank.

Reality (Czech for ‘real estate’) - If you search for a flat using a broker, many agents tell expats that they don’t work on weekends. One of my students who was searching for a new flat told me he looked at flats all weekend. I asked how that was possible if brokers don’t work on the weekend. It turns out that only brokers serving expats, the highest commission market, don’t work on weekends. Not only do they not work on weekends, they don’t do any work. They send you lists to search through, some in Czech!

See my article about house hunting to find a good quality broker in Prague and Athens - (click here)

In the Box Thinking - Not all of these experiences are necessarily directed at expats. Some are just idiosyncrasies in culture/mentality. For example, Starbucks in Athens, (Kolonaki). Starbucks offers consistent wireless access, food, and service. So, it was a great place to program LingoPass! However, even a strong corporate culture like Starbucks’ can be lost when clashing with centuries of in-the-box thinking.

During a two week period last summer, I had noticed that the quality of their salads had been declining - wilted lettuce and dried out chicken. On this day, I decided to inspect them a little more closely through the case. I pointed to a salad that looked fresh and said, “I want that one.” He responded by saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t sell you that one.” The response was so preposterous that I burst out laughing, “What do you mean you can’t sell me that one?” He grabbed a different salad and said, “this one is next in line to be sold.” I told the guy that I don’t want to buy that one; I won’t buy that one; I’ll only buy the one I want. After three minutes of this, something clicked and he quietly acquiesced.

Having watched the movie Summer School, in which the teacher has students write to companies claiming defective products to receive free merchandise, I decided to write Starbucks and see what they were willing to do. I received a phone call from the Greek regional manager, who was very apologetic. I made a joke about it, as I thought it was quite entertaining. He offered me a 10 euro gift card…not bad.

I experienced another example of in-the-box thinking when traveling the Greek Isles. We wanted to go from Mykonos to Santorini. The travel agent on the island told us we’d need to another day before another ferry would be available. It took five minutes to convince him to look at ferries that took an indirect route and had a layover on another island. The look on his face was priceless - as if he’d just figured out the theory of relativity. “You can do that!” And, he was the freakin’ travel agent.

Back to the manual.

TAXES & SERVICE FEES: NEVER PAY A TIP! This is Rule #1 when dining out in Prague. When dining with locals, I’ve never seen taxes on a bill. However, if you go alone or with other expats, here are a few additional items you can see on your bill that are not typical - taxes, service, cover, container, and table fees. And, you just might see all of them. Note: service and cover are supposed to be the same thing!

The last date I went on, the prices per dish on the bill were different than on the menu; increased to reflect the tip the waitress wanted. This discrepancy was not disclosed, and the server had expected me to leave a tip until I asked about it and she sheepishly admitted it. The next trick they use is to fiddle for change, expecting you to say, “forget it.” If you don’t forget it, they will give you the lowest denomination and bulkiest change, expecting you to leave it. Most Americans don’t think twice about it and leave a 20-30% tip on top of a padded bill.

Note: Locals leave the a tip equivalent to $0.10 - $0.50.

Bazarre - Small stores with bizarre prices: When buying a SIM card for my phone at a local bazzare, I was charged 210 CzK. While inquiring with T-Mobile for the ‘free’ minutes promised, but never provided, I was informed that I was supposed to pay only 100 CzK for this card/package. Luckily, T-Mobile credited my account for the difference and free minutes.

Always Ask for Prices: This is a no-brainer when entering a taxi. However, it takes entering the same store a few times to see that prices are very subjective. In Athens, I used to go to a small convenience store around the street from my flat. I’d been there numerous times, chatted with the guys in English and Greek. Normally, I would bring my items to the counter and watch the cashier ring them up. There were never any prices listed. On this day, I asked for a small box of laundry detergent. I was in a rush and handed him a five Euro bill before he rang it up. Interestingly, the price was just under five Euros. At a near-by supermarket, the same box was 1.70 Euros. That was the last time I ever just handed over a bill without seeing the price. I later confirmed this with friends and relatives that this is typical behavior.

I will add to this manual as time goes on. If you have your own experiences you’d like to include, please write me on the site - Tito

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